i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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