So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
