And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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