i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
