but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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