I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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