They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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