More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
