Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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