spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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