She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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