he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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