it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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