After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
