my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
