did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
