everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
