Screwed.edu
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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