Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
