Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
