im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
