dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
