Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
