Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
