i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
