C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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