The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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