I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
