I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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