I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
