I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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