You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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