Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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