can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
