Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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