i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
