I can tuck mytits in my pants
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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