That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize