My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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