end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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