yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
