I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
