They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
