I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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