Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
