Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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