Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
