Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
