I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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