The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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