It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
youre lurking in front of me
he thought i was a dude.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
