I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
