forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
