Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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