so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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