From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
