this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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