he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
