I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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