Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
