Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
