i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
