3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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