Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
