Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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