Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
