She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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